Lines

I love him
and that never had anything
to do with anyone else.
Choking on hurt or embarrassment perhaps?
it weighs on my chest
in a way no amount of pressure
ever managed to cling to you
I envy you that
but I’ve never hated you for it
the way I’ve seen others;
sometimes even complete strangers
hate you immediately upon realizing
their hatefulness could never do [...]

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Sad

it is gray
and I’m as rainy inside
as it is outside
instinctively clinging to tears
I know I should just let fall
it still bothers me to cry
for no reason
I want to justify
the sadness that passes through me
heavy and slow
pulling me down down to where all the great poetry is
I don’t always want to go.

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Time

I crave it like chocolate
wanting to write so badly
something always coming up
press pause
and they’ll all stop
calls won’t come in
the dogs won’t beg for walks
my second job will wait
and carl will stay put
until I’m ready
until I’ve written
satiated starving fingers
eating up the keys
at the speed of my thoughts
slow down world!
I’ve got something to say . . .

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. . .

books and conversations that were
clamoring for attention
fall silent making room
for the woman replacing
the girl who once left bait in traps
to capture the words she wanted
from others
weapons on the ground
shield down
she walks away from pride
and illusions of truth
Her next mistake will be a new one.

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Paradigm Shift–Last Years Words Revisited–possibly editing . . .

“I want to be kind, its the only thing I never regret.”
“I want to give the mercy I’ve been given and also denied in the face of my hurtful mistakes.”
“be gentle with me, Dreams
there is still this part–
fragile, unfinished
the frayed end
of a severed cord
swinging in my soul”
“walking toward him in a white dress . . [...]

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untitled

too tired to write it out tonight
the way I meant to
I only want to say
that what’s left of me
after everything
is what I’m true to
all those I believes flutter in the wind
like flags tattering and tearing
frivolous and fantastic (as the word was originally meant)
meaningless
i have been broken down
to my smallest element
the nucleus
of what makes me
me
and finally [...]

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beautiful

in an old sports bra
and gray yoga pants
I am his Heaven-sent
and very flexible
sex goddess
in nothing but my apron
I whip up his latest fantasies
in lipstick and liner
all black
and boots
I am his Dark Angel
I am his centerfold,
his playgirl,
starring in every love-scene
for the past four years
I slipped right out of my insecurities
and let them fall to the floor [...]

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Deadly Sin

glutted
till even veins feel too full
overwhelmed by words
not wanted
somehow needed
swallowed whole
again and again
no matter the consequence
fattened up with excesses
of decadent thoughts and emotions
it won’t be long
before you’ll be too big to leave yourself.

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written at the old house . . .

this house looks the same inside
as the week after we moved in
and my thoughts repeat like an echo in the hills
while I stare at that bottle of gin
such a poetic liquor
as bitter as the men who shoot themselves in the face
after already writing or painting themselves to death

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Winter

Winter is about answering the questions
I ask in my sleep
Winter is about losing my mind
but finding my heart
Winter is about the dark way
he loves me when he gets home
in the middle of the night
Winter is about my horses thick coat
and the steam rising off his back
on cold mornings
Winter is about my words
the feet of my [...]

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oh Lord

its the afternoon after
alcohol still dances through my veins
with blood that seems thick and dry
my vomit is probably still wet
on the corner of 8th and Main
and to match my torn dress
there is the smallest of cracks in my heart
he didn’t hurt me
but I hurt to watch him wonder
if he’s good enough
to watch him watching, wondering
if [...]

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Winter is Almost Here

I reject the comfort of my loving dogs
I reject the comfort of the flames in the fireplace
I reject the comfort of the bookshelf and the coatrack
and the spacious kitchen where I make our meals
tonight I am alone in the middle
looking out
I have said no to everything
that satisfies my needs
breaking down Maslow’s hierarchy
in the name of [...]

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Release

catalyst
catapult me
into that other place
where you can’t sit on the the sofa
you’re staring up at
from the living room floor
I’d love to do this another way
but my eyes cling to their color
I simply am what I am
This is all I know
of release I tie emotions
to each letter
then cast the words out of my heart
hoping they’ll fly [...]

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Please

be gentle with me, Dreams
there is still this part–
fragile, unfinished
the frayed end
of a severed cord
swinging in my soul
perhaps it always will
I was a little girl, then
and I’ve since forgotten
just what it was I needed,
can’t remember
no matter how I try
what the cord went to
in the first place.
be gentle with me, Dreams
when you lift me up above [...]

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His Dreams

opals,
yellow gold,
and a diamond,
[...]

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