this is the hardest part
I watch her–
myself
stumbling into the darkness
and I know what awaits
but stand dumb watching
as she turns, smiles
he pushes her–
me
into the tree
and my eyes roll back
my body slack
clothes torn
the memory is merciless
but I refuse to close my eyes
I can see him
holding her down
feel the sick whispers against my ear
punching me until the struggling
stops
God, I don’t want to watch anymore
even as her lungs draw in another breath
the life is leaving my eyes
my heart is empty
freezing in place
but I won’t turn away
from myself
this time
I didn’t come to blame her
to hate me
to burn
I came tonight to ache
to accept.
I came tonight
to claim you, Past.
